just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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