i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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