We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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