I like my sex mixed with concussions.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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