theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And then he peed in my hair
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