He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
