I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
