I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
