I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
