Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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