you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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