I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
