I'm going to jail i love you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
