I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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