i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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