Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
