so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
