no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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