My boss' voice literally gives me gas
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My life is pants optional.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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