If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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