The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
