It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
