Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My nipple is on Facebook.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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