I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
