No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize