Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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