Your face is a jimmy john
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
