I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
