My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize