i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
