just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
