just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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