You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
