then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
