Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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