Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
