Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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