Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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