i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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