So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
