Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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