it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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