I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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