The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
