sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
