Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish i was in the wii world.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
