So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
