Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
