yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
