escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
