Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
