I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
