yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
