so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
