In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
