Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
