cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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