So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
