After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's paint friendship bongs
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
