Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
