He felt like a one man threesome
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
