My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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