So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
