brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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